Any good jokes? Need a laugh now and then!

[druadic]

Here are a few jokes I LOVE and folks get a laugh at! I MAY post others I know but some are a bit well, you know. Anyway, here's a few:

What does Madonna and Miracle Whip have in common?

Answer: They both spread for bread.



What does a walrus and Tupperware have in common?

Answer: They both like a tight seal.

Anyone else want to add more?

d

I do have some really TASTELESS jokes from that book (title) as well. I don't want to get too "diragatory" so I'll try not to get over my head with this thread! Hey that rhymed! Nuk, Nuk, Nuk, Nuk!!!

[tiltjlp]

A joke thread is a great idea, although I mostly go for puns and groners. Here's one I get a real kick out of.

Who has red hair and lives in a test tube?

Bozo The Clone!!!

[faralos]

a bear and a rabbit are shitting in the woods, the bear says, "Hey, rabbit! You got any problems with shit sticking to your fur? Rabbit replies, "No!" The bear then says, "Good! I need to wipe my ass!"

[faralos]

man likes his gal so much he get her name tottooed on his penis. he hangs out at nude beaches. when it's soft all you can see is WY! when it's hard it reads "wendy" he goes to jamaica to a nude beach where he sees a black man with the letters WY on HIS penis! He asks, "Is your gal's name 'Wendy', too? "No." the black man says, mine says, "Welcome to jamaica, mon, have a nice day!"

[faralos]

Two blondes walk into a bar. You'd think one of them would have seen it!

[druadic]

Originally Posted by faralos

a bear and a rabbit are shitting in the woods, the bear says, "Hey, rabbit! You got any problems with shit sticking to your fur? Rabbit replies, "No!" The bear then says, "Good! I need to wipe my ass!"

You forgot to add: the bear then picks up the rabbit and wipes his ass with it.

[druadic]

A blonde woman is driving down the road when she sees a car pulled off to the side of the road. She pulls over and follows some footprints into a wide open field, where she spots another blonde woman in a rowboat paddling. She rolls her eyes and yells; "It's dumb bimbos like you that give use blondes and bad rep! If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your ass!"



d

[druadic]

First off, this is a joke from the Tasteless Book series, so don't freak out about it and so you know, Little Red Riding Hood was a TEENAGER in all the real stories. Just so you can figure this one out.

Here it is:

Little Red Riding Hood was skipping through the forest when out from behind a tree the Big Bad Wolf jumps out and startles her. He ogles her for a second and says "Little Red Riding Hood, I'm going to ---- you!"

Little Red Riding Hood reaches into her basket and pulls out a pistol and aims it at the Wolf. "Oh no you're not asshole, you're going TO EAT ME like the story says!!!!"



d

[kristian]

Guy goes to the Doc and tells him that his wife hasn't wanted to have sex with him for the past 7 months. The Doc tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her.

When the wife comes to office, the Doc's surprised, a beautiful voluptuous woman stands before him, he asks her why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband any more.

"For the last 7 months," the wife replies, "every morning I take a cab to work. I don't make much money and my husband doesn't give more than bus fare, so the cab driver always asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' I always give him an 'or what'.

That makes me late to work I'm late, so the boss asks me, 'So are we going to dock your salary, or what?' That's another 'or what.'

On the way home, I take the cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me, 'So are you going to pay this time or what?'

And, again, I do an 'or what'. So you see, Doctor, when I get home I'm all tired out and I don't want sex any more."

The doctor thinks for a second. "So," he says, "are we going to tell your husband or what?"

[kristian]

A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules.

"I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?"

His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night ... whether you're here or not."

A joke thread is a great idea, although I mostly go for puns and groners. Here's one I get a real kick out of.

[GSGregg]

Would that be, "puns and groaners? I'll try and accommodate:

A prostitute whose maternal ancestors were all in the same line of work pleaded 'not guilty' on grounds of heredity; she couldn't help having congenitally congenial genitals.