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  #61  
Old 11-16-2015, 10:00 AM
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Default A Couple OF Gay Jokes

Q: why did the gay guy get excited when he heard the football scores?
A: he heard his team the packers had a come from behind win.

Q: how do you know you are at a gay picnic?
A: all the hot dogs taste like shit.
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  #62  
Old 11-16-2015, 01:54 PM
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JpDVeq4t4h0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsZcoODKc50
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  #63  
Old 12-04-2015, 05:08 PM
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basketball player rajon got tossed out of a game the other day for that. down in the comments section i came across this:


Jim Valvano asked a ref if he could a technical foul just for what he was thinking.

The ref said "no, of course not".

Then Valvano said "In that case, I think you suck".

The ref said he couldn’t give him a technical because that line was too good.



also, from a different page:


Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet 
in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, 
a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?”

Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”

“And yer hand?” asks Marty.

“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”

“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”

“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”

“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”

“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”

—Jason Alexander



My favorite joke of all time is: “Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?”

—Gary Gulman, a finalist on Last Comic Standing, has appeared on Late Night with Seth Meyers and Inside Amy Schumer







A guy approached a priest to request a funeral for his dog. The priest explained he couldn’t do that, but the man insisted. Sorry, why don’t you ask the Protestant minister across the street,” says the priest.

“That’s too bad, Father,” said the disconsolate man as he was leaving. “There was going to be a thousand dollar stipend.”

The priest stopped him: “Why didn’t you tell me your dog was Catholic?”

—Cindy Williams, who played “Shirley” on Laverne & Shirley, quoting a gag from a play she starred in, Meshuggah-Nuns!
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  #64  
Old 12-06-2015, 02:13 PM
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Did I see this one? Yeah, I think so. It was so long ago. But I dunno.
I used to watch this guy. But some of these folks know how to disguise themselves. Like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIRmqMRSXAs#t=67



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  #65  
Old 07-04-2019, 10:54 PM
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So, I ran in to something of a trove today, stashed by the legendary designer of The Fool's Errand, i.e. Cliff Johnson. This is all two years of his short but lovely little newsletters: https://www.fools-errand.com/12-FG/index.htm

Here's a couple of his jokes...

Quote:
The Devil confronts the lawyer.

The Devil says, “I will give you countless riches in exchange for your eternal soul, and the souls of your family.”

The lawyer thinks for a moment and replies, “So, what’s the catch?”
Quote:
Memorable sayings:

The early worm catches the fish. The early bird catches the worm. The early worm gets eaten. And the second mouse gets the cheese.
Quote:
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went camping. They pitched their tent and went to sleep inside.

In the middle of the night, Holmes woke Watson and declared, “Look up at the sky, and tell me what you see.”

“I see millions and millions of stars,” Watson said.

“And what do you deduce from that?” Holmes inquired.

“Well, if there are millions of stars, then there must be other planets,” Watson replied. “And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life.”

“No, no, my dear Watson,” Holmes exclaimed. “Somebody has stolen our tent.”
Quote:
What did the bra say to the hat?

You go on a head. I’ll give these two a lift.
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  #66  
Old 07-12-2019, 03:35 AM
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LEARNING ABOUT LETTERS

“I would like vitamins for my son,” a mother said. “Vitamin A, B or C?” the pharmacist asked. “It doesn’t matter,” the mother replied. “He can’t read yet.”
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